They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
