You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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