I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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