I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
