Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
