The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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