Sponge bath it is.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
