I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My pussy is not your playground.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
