Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do vagina's smell?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
