He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
