we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
