the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
