She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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