He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize