so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
