Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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