She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
