so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
