By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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