had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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