11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
