You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize