smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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