what if every blade of grass was a penis?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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