I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
