Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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