nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
