I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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