ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
