Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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