WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize