Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hippo gnu deer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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