This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
