You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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