You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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