This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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