I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I see more hoeing in ur future
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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