You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
