drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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