We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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