Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
