Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
