I am in a vortex of obligation.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
