Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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