bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
