So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
