Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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