I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
