This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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