How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
