You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
