so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
