so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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