My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
