I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
