I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
