In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
