turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
