dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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