Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize