Swine flu. Run for my life!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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