The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
