i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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