grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
