I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
