I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
