are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
