i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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