im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my being single is dangerous.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize