we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
